1 00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:07,002 ♪ ("WITHOUT YOU" BY PERFUME GENIUS PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:09,023 --> 00:00:12,011 Morning, followers. Gossip Girl here. 3 00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:15,013 Márquez once said, "We all have three lives. 4 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,001 -A public life, a private life..." -You have any fun, at least? 5 00:00:17,003 --> 00:00:19,012 -Of course. Always. -"...and a secret life." 6 00:00:19,014 --> 00:00:21,014 I'm off to Berlin. I'll be back tomorrow. 7 00:00:21,016 --> 00:00:24,012 But he left out the most important one. -Love you, Dad. 8 00:00:24,014 --> 00:00:26,011 Our dating life. 9 00:00:27,006 --> 00:00:28,020 ♪ It's a blurry shape... ♪ 10 00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:31,012 And ever since JC got ditched by Noble O 11 00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:35,005 for a little Z, she's been on an international manhunt 12 00:00:35,007 --> 00:00:37,002 for a worthy replacement. 13 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,011 She's gone truffle hunting 14 00:00:38,013 --> 00:00:39,012 with the Italian prime minister's son... 15 00:00:42,005 --> 00:00:45,015 The truffle is a passion, and you need passion to hunt them. 16 00:00:45,017 --> 00:00:47,010 But this dress is a sample. 17 00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:50,016 ...yachting with the last Shah of Iran's grandson... 18 00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:52,023 Might I invite you to steam in my huge hammam? 19 00:00:57,006 --> 00:00:58,022 She even shared a green juice 20 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,003 with the Bonus Jonas. 21 00:01:00,005 --> 00:01:01,023 All he could talk about was how PC told him 22 00:01:02,001 --> 00:01:04,008 he was cuter than Joe and Kevin combined. 23 00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:06,009 Spies tell us nary a one 24 00:01:06,011 --> 00:01:08,006 wanted a second bite at her apple. 25 00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:09,019 What? 26 00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:13,012 Perhaps this will provide a temporary balm? 27 00:01:13,014 --> 00:01:16,014 Little Z may occupy JC's former residence 28 00:01:16,016 --> 00:01:18,011 on the arm of the prince of New York, 29 00:01:18,013 --> 00:01:21,017 but she's definitely not to the manor born. 30 00:01:21,019 --> 00:01:24,002 Hope the prince doesn't lose interest, 31 00:01:24,004 --> 00:01:27,007 or Little Z may find herself Lonely Z. 32 00:01:27,009 --> 00:01:29,007 Maybe they're sisters after all. 33 00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:33,003 The throne is waiting, but it won't sit empty for long. 34 00:01:35,016 --> 00:01:36,013 Quelle disaster. 35 00:01:36,015 --> 00:01:38,023 Even Timothée rescinded his invite to MIPCOM 36 00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:40,000 after seeing these! 37 00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:41,014 You need to stop being so choosey. 38 00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:44,016 Everyone knows the only way to get over an heir is to get under another one. 39 00:01:44,018 --> 00:01:48,012 I tried. I guess heirs just aren't as giving as I'm used to. 40 00:01:48,014 --> 00:01:49,017 I didn't like any of them. 41 00:01:49,019 --> 00:01:52,001 You don't have to like them, you just have to date them. 42 00:01:52,003 --> 00:01:53,017 Jules, I hate to say this to you, 43 00:01:53,019 --> 00:01:54,020 because fuck the patriarchy, right? 44 00:01:54,022 --> 00:01:56,014 But, um, the men always win this. 45 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,016 Brad Pitt is ancient, 46 00:01:57,018 --> 00:02:00,012 yet he wins an Oscar for showing his desiccated abs, 47 00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:02,023 while a still-prime Angelina disappears a Disney witch. 48 00:02:03,001 --> 00:02:05,004 Maybe it doesn't have to be about a man? 49 00:02:05,006 --> 00:02:08,005 Millie Bobby Brown isn't defined by who she dates. 50 00:02:08,007 --> 00:02:10,017 Millie Bobby Brown is pre-sexual. 51 00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:12,022 You need a new Brad or it's Havisham for you. 52 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,007 -Also, fuck the patriarchy. Jules. 53 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,003 -Do you have to pee? -No. 54 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:19,002 Oh, me too. Thank you. Bye. 55 00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:22,005 So, if I tell you something, 56 00:02:22,007 --> 00:02:25,005 do you swear on your Loewe not to tell anyone? 57 00:02:25,007 --> 00:02:27,004 -Did you kill someone? -Worse. 58 00:02:27,006 --> 00:02:27,022 I may have slept with Max. 59 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,022 -May have or did? -I did! I did! 60 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,023 I slept with Max! I slept with Max many times. 61 00:02:33,001 --> 00:02:34,022 What? Why? 62 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,006 When? Basically all of the interrogatives. 63 00:02:37,008 --> 00:02:39,005 You've known him for a decade. Why now? 64 00:02:39,007 --> 00:02:42,016 I don't know what happened. Kiki drama? Sexual ennui? 65 00:02:42,018 --> 00:02:45,018 My apparently latent self-destructive tendencies? 66 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:50,018 It was one night. One long, surprisingly informative night, 67 00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:52,023 like, Jules... 68 00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,018 -Are you gonna tell Aki? -I mean, I feel terrible, 69 00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:57,004 but it had nothing to do with him. I love him. 70 00:02:58,013 --> 00:03:02,014 Until I can give him a reason for these anomalous actions, 71 00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,016 why cause him pain with the truth? 72 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,016 Consider my friend-DA signed. 73 00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:08,015 I just hope Gossip Girl doesn't find out. 74 00:03:08,017 --> 00:03:10,002 You're right. Now that she's verified, 75 00:03:10,004 --> 00:03:12,015 if she posts it, people might believe it's true. 76 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,014 It is true. 77 00:03:13,016 --> 00:03:16,021 I know! I'm a bad person! I'm a bad person! 78 00:03:17,012 --> 00:03:18,004 I'm a terrible person. 79 00:03:18,006 --> 00:03:20,002 Why, because you wiped out at LES? 80 00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:22,021 No, but I deserve to. I'm a terrible person. 81 00:03:22,023 --> 00:03:25,022 You are like the last person to be classified as terrible. 82 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,006 -What if I told you I cheated on Audrey? -I wouldn't believe you. 83 00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:30,007 What if I told you I may have made out with someone 84 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:31,007 other than Audrey? 85 00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:33,006 -You may have or you did? -I did! 86 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,008 I made out with someone. 87 00:03:35,010 --> 00:03:38,016 Okay, um... Was it a one-time thing, 88 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:42,000 -or this was a recurring-- -Yes. Never again. Just once. 89 00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,001 Okay then, who cares? 90 00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,023 I mean, you still want to be with Audrey, right? 91 00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,015 Of course. I love her. 92 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:47,023 This had nothing to do with her. 93 00:03:48,001 --> 00:03:49,006 Okay, then why cause her the stress and embarrassment of your fuck-up? 94 00:03:50,018 --> 00:03:52,009 You know what I mean? 95 00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:55,003 Look, if it was a mistake, just learn from it and move on. 96 00:03:55,005 --> 00:03:56,019 And make sure that whoever she is... 97 00:03:56,021 --> 00:03:59,002 does not kiss and tell. 98 00:03:59,004 --> 00:04:02,006 -♪ 99 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,008 -That wasn't awkward. -Shh! 100 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:23,022 -Gossip Girl could be listening! -Yeah, she's everywhere. 101 00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:27,001 -Hey. Something's up. -I know. It's working. 102 00:04:27,003 --> 00:04:29,006 No. Something else. Check your e-mail. 103 00:04:29,008 --> 00:04:31,004 Burton called a mandatory meeting after school. 104 00:04:31,006 --> 00:04:34,008 I'm sure it's unrelated. -I'm not. 105 00:04:34,010 --> 00:04:36,016 ♪ ("SAME DAMN LUCK" BY NILÜFER YANYA PLAYING) ♪ 106 00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:38,010 Oh, my God. There she is. 107 00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:40,017 She knows? Taylor, did you see this? 108 00:04:43,012 --> 00:04:45,020 I don't know, I gotta go for Pizza Rat. 109 00:04:45,022 --> 00:04:48,008 ♪ News, all bad news lately... ♪ 110 00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:52,007 "Who wore it better? Pizza Face or Pizza Rat?" 111 00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:53,016 Just forget about it, all right? 112 00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:55,009 By the time you refresh, it'll be gone. 113 00:04:55,011 --> 00:04:57,012 Wow, you're right. And now it's a poll. 114 00:04:57,014 --> 00:04:59,011 ♪ They all knew... ♪ 115 00:04:59,013 --> 00:05:01,001 If it makes you feel any better, that rat is an iconic New Yorker. 116 00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:03,006 Yeah, so is Zora Neale Hurston, 117 00:05:03,008 --> 00:05:04,013 but no one's comparing me to her. 118 00:05:04,015 --> 00:05:07,005 Okay, this is why I stay off of social media entirely. 119 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:09,003 Well, you don't even have to. Whenever you eat, 120 00:05:09,005 --> 00:05:11,005 it looks like a dinner party in T magazine. 121 00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:15,005 Speaking of dinner, my dad would like to have you over. 122 00:05:15,007 --> 00:05:17,021 He said since I'm staying at Constance 123 00:05:17,023 --> 00:05:19,005 and I appear to be serious about you, 124 00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:20,016 he'd like to get to know you better. 125 00:05:20,018 --> 00:05:22,006 Um... I'm stuck on "appear to be." 126 00:05:22,008 --> 00:05:24,013 He's a lawyer. It's always about how it appears to be. 127 00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:25,015 But don't feel obligated to it. It's just... 128 00:05:25,017 --> 00:05:28,009 No, are you kidding? I mean, we can't hang out in... 129 00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:30,000 morning runs and free periods and walks home forever. 130 00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:32,000 I want to take you out on a... 131 00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:34,014 -a real date. 132 00:05:34,016 --> 00:05:36,003 And I understand your dad's apprehension. 133 00:05:36,005 --> 00:05:38,018 So I will bring all the charm that I own. 134 00:05:39,011 --> 00:05:43,004 ♪ Don't assume, assume ♪ 135 00:05:45,023 --> 00:05:48,021 -Tragic. Just look at her. I can't. 136 00:05:48,023 --> 00:05:50,022 My transition Lapimas don't dim from daylight to depression. 137 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,002 Yeah, we've worked too hard 138 00:05:52,004 --> 00:05:54,015 to let Julien abdicate without a fight. 139 00:05:54,017 --> 00:05:57,021 I know, but we've tried every man on the Quest 400 list. 140 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,019 Who's left? 141 00:05:58,021 --> 00:06:01,000 Maybe it isn't about a man. Maybe it's her. 142 00:06:01,019 --> 00:06:02,021 Are you guys talking about me? 143 00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,021 -No. Of course not. -Totally and completely, yeah. 144 00:06:04,023 --> 00:06:07,003 I don't need you to pile on too, Max. I'm exhausted. 145 00:06:07,005 --> 00:06:12,001 You want to know why no one you've been on a date with wants to get to know you better? Hmm? 146 00:06:12,019 --> 00:06:14,003 It's 'cause they can't. 147 00:06:14,005 --> 00:06:15,021 You're a billboard, not a body. 148 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,009 Curated, untouchable, willingly filtered by you, 149 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:20,022 -your stylist and publicist. -PR representative. 150 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,019 It's like I lost myself somehow. 151 00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:27,003 Which is why I propose that we find her together. 152 00:06:27,005 --> 00:06:29,023 A Manhattan Maxploration, tonight. 153 00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,016 Consider me your White Rabbit. 154 00:06:31,018 --> 00:06:33,004 We're gonna do things that you've never done before, 155 00:06:33,006 --> 00:06:36,001 in places you have never gone before. 156 00:06:36,003 --> 00:06:38,019 And when we are done, you are gonna be so real, 157 00:06:38,021 --> 00:06:39,015 that even Obie will remember 158 00:06:39,017 --> 00:06:41,021 why he loved you in the first place. 159 00:06:43,013 --> 00:06:45,017 Audrey can vouch for how good I am at demolishing inhibitions. 160 00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:48,016 Fine, go out. 161 00:06:48,018 --> 00:06:49,014 But don't worry about how it looks. 162 00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:53,006 Do it for yourself and do not document it. 163 00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:54,019 -Document it! -Oh, my God, document it. 164 00:06:55,005 --> 00:06:56,013 You in? 165 00:07:01,007 --> 00:07:03,007 -I'm in. -♪ ♪ 166 00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:04,002 I know you're all curious 167 00:07:04,004 --> 00:07:07,013 why I called this all-hands. 168 00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:10,000 And so I'm just gonna cut to the chase. Gossip Girl. 169 00:07:10,002 --> 00:07:11,013 I'm sure you're aware of it. 170 00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:15,020 An anonymous Instagram account that spies on our students 171 00:07:15,022 --> 00:07:17,008 and spreads rumors about them, 172 00:07:17,010 --> 00:07:21,004 students whose parents rather generously 173 00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:23,006 keep the lights on around here. 174 00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:25,005 And many of those parents are now threatening 175 00:07:25,007 --> 00:07:28,012 to pull their donations if this situation isn't solved. 176 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,014 -We're dead. Worse than dead. My predecessor... 177 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,023 -A Netflix documentary on dead people. Jordan. 178 00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:37,002 ...of a pernicious presence that would sabotage 179 00:07:37,004 --> 00:07:39,002 students' studies, 180 00:07:39,004 --> 00:07:41,016 their social lives, even hijack graduation. 181 00:07:41,018 --> 00:07:43,001 And now it's happening again. 182 00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:44,021 -Vivian, if I may? -Oh, of course, Linda. 183 00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:48,005 I've found Gossip Girl surprisingly helpful. 184 00:07:48,007 --> 00:07:51,010 My students have seemed, I don't know, more mindful 185 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,005 of what they say and... 186 00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:54,003 what they do around each other. 187 00:07:54,005 --> 00:07:57,009 I agree. I'd even go so far as to say 188 00:07:57,011 --> 00:08:00,003 the students are more respectful to us as well. 189 00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:02,008 With apologies to my wife and Mr. Caparros, 190 00:08:02,010 --> 00:08:06,017 I firmly disagree. Gossip Girl is a cancer. 191 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,021 Kids are on their phones more now than ever. 192 00:08:09,023 --> 00:08:11,007 And in class. 193 00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:14,002 Well, to address Mr. Schacter's very valid concern, 194 00:08:14,004 --> 00:08:16,008 students will no longer 195 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:18,021 have access to their phones during the school day. 196 00:08:18,023 --> 00:08:20,005 That's gonna be bad for business. 197 00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:23,002 And you may have noticed some new bodies in our halls. 198 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:25,013 One of our parents has graciously donated 199 00:08:25,015 --> 00:08:28,006 a consultancy with an intelligence agency. 200 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,018 They will conduct a swift investigation 201 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:33,005 to determine the source of our stress. 202 00:08:33,007 --> 00:08:35,018 By this time next week, 203 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:40,018 Gossip Girl must be exposed and expelled. 204 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,020 Oh, my God, they hired Black Cube! 205 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:46,022 Let's not panic. We just have to keep them off our scent. 206 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,002 You're all following GG from your own accounts, right? 207 00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:50,016 Rude, of course we are. 208 00:08:50,018 --> 00:08:54,006 Okay. Then, like the posts and watch the videos. 209 00:08:54,008 --> 00:08:56,015 A lot of teachers do, so if you don't, you stand out. 210 00:08:56,017 --> 00:08:59,008 And no DMs from your accounts to GG ever. 211 00:08:59,010 --> 00:09:01,006 We also shouldn't post from school, right? 212 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:04,003 -They could trace it? -I put a firewall on the server. 213 00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:05,023 As long as you stay on our Wi-Fi, you're safe. 214 00:09:06,001 --> 00:09:07,003 How can you be so sure? 215 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,008 I'm the computer science teacher. 216 00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:12,001 And don't post during school hours. 217 00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:14,006 Now that kids won't have phones, it could point towards faculty. 218 00:09:14,008 --> 00:09:15,015 But as soon as the bell rings, I'll keep the posts flowing. 219 00:09:15,017 --> 00:09:19,011 It would cast more light on us if we slowed after that meeting. 220 00:09:19,013 --> 00:09:21,009 Maybe mix things up a little? 221 00:09:21,011 --> 00:09:23,002 Shine some of that light on teachers, 222 00:09:23,004 --> 00:09:25,007 make it look more like it's a disgruntled student? 223 00:09:25,009 --> 00:09:26,023 Got any dirt from the home office? 224 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,023 Ready to get buried? We can start with the Schacters. 225 00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:32,014 Henry's been having an affair with Libby the Librarian. 226 00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:34,000 Ooh. 227 00:09:34,002 --> 00:09:35,009 Make that item blind. 228 00:09:35,011 --> 00:09:36,005 Maybe there are more affairs around here 229 00:09:36,007 --> 00:09:38,011 and we can get some great tips? 230 00:09:38,013 --> 00:09:41,017 They had perfect porcinis at Eataly today, 231 00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:45,015 so I told Rocky risotto ai funghi is imperative. 232 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:48,020 Even though, um, your dad is doing "keto" again. 233 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:51,019 -Which we both know is a lie. 234 00:09:51,021 --> 00:09:54,016 Oh. There was never an entrance he didn't make. 235 00:09:54,018 --> 00:09:58,008 -Or a corset he couldn't cinch. -Oh, this old McQueen? 236 00:09:58,010 --> 00:10:00,016 Your, uh, your hair is different. 237 00:10:00,018 --> 00:10:02,021 Serge gave me a blowout. You like? 238 00:10:03,015 --> 00:10:07,000 It's, um... It's voluminous. 239 00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:09,000 Oh, Rocky, this looks glorious. 240 00:10:09,002 --> 00:10:12,001 As do you. 241 00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:14,000 So, where are you off to after this? 242 00:10:14,002 --> 00:10:17,018 Critics preview for 243 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,009 AARON at The Public. 244 00:10:18,011 --> 00:10:21,014 -Mm. It's, um... 245 00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:26,006 A very loose adaptation of Titus Andronicus... 246 00:10:27,019 --> 00:10:28,017 focusing on Aaron the moor. 247 00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:32,021 Gore and genitals? Save me a full-frontal seat. 248 00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:35,019 I have. Opening's tomorrow night. 249 00:10:35,021 --> 00:10:37,017 There's a ticket block for all of your friends. 250 00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:42,012 And Pops. 251 00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:45,000 What are you going to do tonight while I'm at the preview, hon? 252 00:10:45,002 --> 00:10:46,023 Stay home. Working on the plans 253 00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,023 for Ina and Jeffrey's hornbeam hedge. 254 00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,018 You know, maybe it's best 255 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,009 not to wear that tomorrow night. 256 00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:01,014 Mm! And this is keto. 257 00:11:03,007 --> 00:11:05,013 As that essentially forces them out of this neighborhood 258 00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:08,003 and leaves the area wide open for developers 259 00:11:08,005 --> 00:11:09,017 who were already circling. 260 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:11,018 Like your parents? 261 00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:14,006 Yeah, and everybody else who sees the Navy Yard 262 00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:16,006 as this billion-dollar waterfront property 263 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:16,015 and not a neighborhood. 264 00:11:17,006 --> 00:11:19,010 But I think that... 265 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,023 privilege ignores the realities of systemic issues. 266 00:11:23,001 --> 00:11:26,011 I'm surprised to hear you speak about your family this way. 267 00:11:26,013 --> 00:11:28,010 Yeah, well, it's nothing I haven't told them. 268 00:11:28,012 --> 00:11:30,019 And they... they support me. 269 00:11:30,021 --> 00:11:32,017 They want me to remind them, keep them honest. 270 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:37,000 -Hey, Z? -Hmm? 271 00:11:37,002 --> 00:11:38,014 Feel like joining the conversation? 272 00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:40,006 I'm-- I'm sorry. I... I know I'm being rude. 273 00:11:40,008 --> 00:11:43,005 It's just, I'm trending. 274 00:11:43,007 --> 00:11:46,009 Or at least, the hashtag "Zugly" is. 275 00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:48,019 It's Luna La. 276 00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:50,009 -She started it. -How do you know? 277 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:54,023 "Hey Ju-lions! Let's get the hashtag 'Zugly' trending." 278 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:57,007 It's all so toxic. I tried to tell Julien 279 00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:59,015 -that social media was ruining her life-- 280 00:11:59,017 --> 00:12:01,011 How about we put away our phones... 281 00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:05,018 and discuss how much I'm enjoying 282 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,004 getting to know Obie here? 283 00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:11,001 Are you, um, are you enjoying it enough 284 00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:13,017 to consider letting us go on a real date? 285 00:12:13,019 --> 00:12:14,019 -Not yet. -Okay. 286 00:12:14,021 --> 00:12:18,008 But, you know, getting closer. 287 00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:39,019 Sorry. -What's wrong? 288 00:12:40,018 --> 00:12:42,006 Just not into eye contact tonight. 289 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,021 Yeah! 290 00:12:53,013 --> 00:12:53,019 Keep going! 291 00:12:55,021 --> 00:12:55,023 Keep going! 292 00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:03,016 -Whoa! -Oh, sorry. 293 00:13:04,023 --> 00:13:07,015 No. Just wasn't expecting that-- 294 00:13:07,017 --> 00:13:10,004 -I guess I overshot. -By a lot. 295 00:13:14,013 --> 00:13:15,013 I'm sorry. 296 00:13:16,019 --> 00:13:18,005 It just caught me by surprise. 297 00:13:19,011 --> 00:13:23,004 Uh... Just need some time to, uh... recoup. 298 00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:23,022 Yeah, take your time. 299 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:30,005 ♪ ("IPHONE" BY RICO NASTY PLAYING) ♪ 300 00:13:30,007 --> 00:13:32,010 ♪ Smoking so much gas I forgot to put my mask on ♪ 301 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,000 -Woo! 302 00:13:35,002 --> 00:13:36,003 ♪ Called you off my iPhone ♪ 303 00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:39,001 ♪ Let me hold my hair for you While you put my-- ♪ 304 00:13:39,003 --> 00:13:40,003 ♪ ("ACID RAIN" BY LXURY PLAYING) ♪ 305 00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:50,010 Status update? 306 00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:51,018 Uh, you're in your underwear in the Daily Mail. 307 00:13:52,019 --> 00:13:55,019 I'm in my underwear on the Daily Mail. 308 00:13:57,018 --> 00:13:59,023 We'll WhatsApp that to Timothée. 309 00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:01,013 Actually, don't. You'll get arrested. 310 00:14:02,017 --> 00:14:04,000 Want some? 311 00:14:04,002 --> 00:14:07,009 Uh... No, thank you, I'm intermittent fasting. 312 00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:11,001 But offer some to that girl there? Hey. 313 00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:13,018 All right, so you're allowed no more than two 314 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,013 but no less than one. 315 00:14:15,015 --> 00:14:17,017 I love solving inequalities! 316 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,012 Oh! 317 00:14:24,015 --> 00:14:27,006 -Oh, okay. 318 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,020 -What was that? -Space coke. 319 00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:33,001 -Is that like coke from NASA? -It's coke with ketamine. 320 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,006 Oh! 321 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,013 -♪ 322 00:14:37,015 --> 00:14:39,013 Yeah! -Woo! 323 00:14:39,015 --> 00:14:41,000 I'll help with dessert in a moment! 324 00:15:00,019 --> 00:15:02,018 What is it? Is it an Amber Alert? 325 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,008 Someone's calling you. 326 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,002 Hello? -Do not call list. 327 00:15:11,004 --> 00:15:12,022 -It-- It's Zoya. I don't know her. 328 00:15:14,012 --> 00:15:15,023 I know you made the Zugly hashtag. 329 00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:17,015 Yes, and? 330 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,020 And I'm asking you to stop it? 331 00:15:19,022 --> 00:15:21,017 Mm! An ingenious portmanteau like that 332 00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:24,018 only derives from a place of truth. 333 00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:27,022 You can't dress like the Paramus Uniqlo's back-to-school sale 334 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,021 -and not expect some feedback. 335 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:35,002 -My name's-- -No. 336 00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:37,010 So, what are you saying? 337 00:15:37,012 --> 00:15:39,007 I could, um, try to Pygmalion you. 338 00:15:39,009 --> 00:15:41,016 Pygmalion me? 339 00:15:41,018 --> 00:15:43,020 Queer Eye, Princess Diary, Pretty Woman you. 340 00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,009 Yeah, I know the reference. 341 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:48,001 I'm just surprised you do. Isn't it anti-feminist? 342 00:15:48,003 --> 00:15:49,022 I don't mean a feminized transformation 343 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,018 in order to please a cis man. 344 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,015 I'm talking elevating your taste level 345 00:15:53,017 --> 00:15:56,004 so that no one calls you Zugly again. 346 00:15:56,006 --> 00:15:58,022 Look, I don't want to become some inauthentic version of myself. 347 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,005 When I'm done with you, you won't know the difference. 348 00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:03,002 As long as you're on Obie's arm, you're in the spotlight. 349 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:07,011 It can be a blinding glare or a benevolent glow. 350 00:16:07,013 --> 00:16:09,021 So what's it gonna be? -Well-- 351 00:16:11,022 --> 00:16:15,011 If Julien falls, we aren't going down with her. 352 00:16:15,013 --> 00:16:17,014 Might as well get in with the new world order. 353 00:16:20,023 --> 00:16:26,002 Well, that was-- -Informative? 354 00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:31,001 Sometimes it's important to experiment to see what you like. 355 00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:32,000 Or don't. 356 00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:37,007 I love you. Good night. 357 00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:39,019 I love you too. 358 00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:49,014 This just in. 359 00:16:49,016 --> 00:16:51,015 Looks like one of Constance's most constant couples 360 00:16:51,017 --> 00:16:54,003 isn't as coupled as we thought. 361 00:16:54,005 --> 00:16:59,000 We hear one half strayed, but not too far from the nest, 362 00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:01,010 in fact, with someone close to both parties. 363 00:17:01,012 --> 00:17:03,023 You okay, babe? 364 00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:06,015 Yeah, just, uh... reading Sight and Sound. You? 365 00:17:07,011 --> 00:17:08,016 Town and Country. 366 00:17:08,018 --> 00:17:10,002 That's the fun thing about blind items. 367 00:17:10,004 --> 00:17:14,011 We often don't see what's right in front of our eyes. 368 00:17:17,016 --> 00:17:19,014 -I love your cat suit. -Thank you! 369 00:17:19,016 --> 00:17:21,020 It's my cast aside cat suit! 370 00:17:21,022 --> 00:17:23,019 Oh, babe, whoever broke up with you 371 00:17:23,021 --> 00:17:26,012 doesn't deserve you in the first place. 372 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,007 My boyfriend dumped me for my sister-- well, half-sister-- 373 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,021 who I basically imported from, like, Siberia. 374 00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:40,015 So I am on the warpath to get over him tonight. 375 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:43,007 You are a warrior! -I am. 376 00:17:44,011 --> 00:17:48,019 -I am a warrior! Maybe I should be, too. 377 00:17:48,021 --> 00:17:51,004 I have been dating my boyfriend for a year, 378 00:17:51,006 --> 00:17:54,009 and he still won't go public with me. 379 00:17:54,011 --> 00:17:57,007 We go off-peak to off-grid places like this. 380 00:17:57,009 --> 00:18:01,015 Or I sleep over two nights a week at his pied-à-terre. 381 00:18:01,017 --> 00:18:03,011 Sounds like he's hiding something. 382 00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:04,022 Bring him to the red table! 383 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,016 I should. 384 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:11,007 Like, is it his problem or mine for caring so much? 385 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:14,001 The moral of the story? You can't rely on any man. 386 00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:17,005 You can only rely on yourself, right? 387 00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:18,013 That's so fucking true. 388 00:18:27,015 --> 00:18:29,019 -Are we swiping? -Uh, GPSing. 389 00:18:29,021 --> 00:18:31,010 It is one on Wednesday. 390 00:18:31,012 --> 00:18:33,012 We need to see where the migaytion is flocking on. 391 00:18:33,014 --> 00:18:35,006 I'll check the LES. 392 00:18:35,008 --> 00:18:40,004 Oh... Tap him, he's cute. And he likes pigs! 393 00:18:40,006 --> 00:18:44,013 -Oh, that's not what that means. -What? 394 00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:49,021 -Oh, my God. 395 00:18:51,023 --> 00:18:52,023 My dad. 396 00:18:53,021 --> 00:18:55,011 No, my dad. 397 00:18:57,012 --> 00:19:00,014 And sometimes, when we least expect it, 398 00:19:00,016 --> 00:19:03,023 our eyes are opened for us. 399 00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:06,015 My advice? Don't look away. 400 00:19:23,003 --> 00:19:24,003 Something happened. 401 00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:26,001 They're calling teachers in for private interviews. 402 00:19:26,003 --> 00:19:28,008 What? Why? We did everything right. 403 00:19:28,010 --> 00:19:29,002 I told you, they're Black Cube! 404 00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:31,001 -They know things! -It's a crusade. 405 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,007 They won't stop till there's a head on a spike. 406 00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:35,012 I once saw on an episode of The Americans 407 00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:39,001 that if you squeeze your anus, you can dupe a lie detector. 408 00:19:40,008 --> 00:19:42,011 All Burton wants is for this to go away. 409 00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,019 She won't stop until it does. 410 00:19:43,021 --> 00:19:46,003 Which is why we need to end it for her. 411 00:19:46,005 --> 00:19:46,006 We need a fall guy. 412 00:19:50,016 --> 00:19:52,019 How about a fall gay? 413 00:19:52,021 --> 00:19:54,004 He refused to join us and knows our secrets. 414 00:19:54,006 --> 00:19:57,018 -Two birds, one stone? -We can't do that. Can we? 415 00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,003 He's too big of a fish to fry. 416 00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:01,015 Then who? We need to scapegoat someone 417 00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:04,007 before we're strapped to the chair ourselves. 418 00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,002 -Shit. Shit. -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 419 00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:07,022 You, uh, rough night? 420 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,018 -Um... One could say that. -You okay? 421 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:15,019 I'm actually glad I ran into you. 422 00:20:15,021 --> 00:20:17,021 The craziest thing happened 423 00:20:17,023 --> 00:20:20,014 and I just need to talk about it with someone I can trust. 424 00:20:20,016 --> 00:20:21,017 Last night... 425 00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:29,002 -You know what, forget it. -No, um, it's, um-- 426 00:20:29,004 --> 00:20:31,015 I'm sorry, all right? It's just, I probably shouldn't-- 427 00:20:31,017 --> 00:20:33,004 Yeah, of course. You shouldn't. But you did anyway, so. 428 00:20:45,021 --> 00:20:47,003 Hey, did you come in the side way? I've been waiting for you! 429 00:20:47,005 --> 00:20:49,002 Someone sent Deuxmoi my old Dubsmashes, 430 00:20:49,004 --> 00:20:51,020 -and now everyone is just la-- 431 00:20:51,022 --> 00:20:53,001 You can't use your phone at school! 432 00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,000 Hey. All right. Okay, okay. All right. Look, look, look, 433 00:20:55,002 --> 00:20:57,007 I know what's gonna cheer you up. 434 00:20:57,009 --> 00:21:00,001 Your dad gave us permission for our first real date! 435 00:21:00,003 --> 00:21:02,008 Yeah. And I got us tickets to Jeremy O. Harris's new play. Opening night. 436 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,008 When I told him what it was, he caved because he knows 437 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:06,020 how important theater is to you and everything. 438 00:21:06,022 --> 00:21:09,020 And you can tell me what it all means afterwards. 439 00:21:09,022 --> 00:21:11,006 'Cause you know, off-Broadway is like... 440 00:21:13,002 --> 00:21:14,005 all confusing and... 441 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,010 -I thought you loved the theater? -No, I do. I do. 442 00:21:18,012 --> 00:21:20,006 And I couldn't be more excited. Excuse me. 443 00:21:23,013 --> 00:21:26,010 -You told Gossip Girl about us? -Shizukani, Akeno. 444 00:21:26,012 --> 00:21:31,004 I have not had enough espresso or Vyvanse for this encounter. 445 00:21:31,006 --> 00:21:33,009 -So you admit you did it? -What, spill the bathwater? 446 00:21:33,011 --> 00:21:34,013 No, of course not. 447 00:21:34,015 --> 00:21:36,018 Do you know how many people cheat in this school? 448 00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:38,011 This place has more side pieces than Versailles. 449 00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:39,000 She could have meant any couple. 450 00:21:39,002 --> 00:21:40,021 That post was clearly me 451 00:21:40,023 --> 00:21:42,004 -and Aud-- -What about me? 452 00:21:42,006 --> 00:21:45,004 Um... That, uh, you look good enough to eat. 453 00:21:45,006 --> 00:21:46,014 Oh. 454 00:21:46,016 --> 00:21:48,011 Could you get me a contraband straw? 455 00:21:48,013 --> 00:21:49,020 This paper ones always break. 456 00:21:53,007 --> 00:21:55,009 What the hell, Wolfe! You told Gossip Girl about us? 457 00:21:55,011 --> 00:21:57,020 Oh, for fuck's sake, not this again. 458 00:21:57,022 --> 00:22:00,005 -Again? What do you mean again? -Why is everyone on my case? 459 00:22:00,007 --> 00:22:02,018 I have a lot of things on my mind right now 460 00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,013 and your lesbian bed death is certainly not one of them. 461 00:22:04,015 --> 00:22:08,003 You know what? If you're so worried about it getting out, 462 00:22:08,005 --> 00:22:09,017 maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place! 463 00:22:13,015 --> 00:22:14,017 This one's made of wheat. 464 00:22:20,023 --> 00:22:23,000 Progress report on the sins of our fathers? 465 00:22:23,002 --> 00:22:24,021 I searched the entire house last night 466 00:22:24,023 --> 00:22:26,002 and couldn't find a thing. 467 00:22:26,004 --> 00:22:29,010 No hidden passages from the service entrance to his room. 468 00:22:29,012 --> 00:22:31,002 No stray La Perlas in the closet. 469 00:22:31,004 --> 00:22:33,009 No sign of a girlfriend at all. So, he is hiding her. 470 00:22:35,004 --> 00:22:36,022 -But why? -Hm. 471 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,002 I Insta-stalked her. Lola Morgan. 472 00:22:40,004 --> 00:22:42,022 -Singer-songwriter. -Hm, that tracks. 473 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,000 I'm determined to gain clarity on this. 474 00:22:45,019 --> 00:22:47,014 What about you? 475 00:22:47,016 --> 00:22:50,018 I gently prodded Dad and he said they've never opened, 476 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,010 so I don't know why Pops is on there "newly single." 477 00:22:52,012 --> 00:22:55,010 So of course, I had to take drastic measures. 478 00:22:57,021 --> 00:23:00,021 He probably has his reasons. Maybe just leave it alone? 479 00:23:00,023 --> 00:23:04,001 Mm... Maybe Davis has his and you should too? 480 00:23:08,023 --> 00:23:10,014 The Prince and the Popo? 481 00:23:10,016 --> 00:23:12,015 "The new girl on the arm of prince of New York 482 00:23:12,017 --> 00:23:15,014 Otto Bergmann IV is something called a Zoya Lott. 483 00:23:15,016 --> 00:23:18,012 And no, apparently, that's not her drag name. 484 00:23:18,014 --> 00:23:20,011 An import from a shtetl called Buffalo, 485 00:23:20,013 --> 00:23:22,013 Lott was overheard at not-spot Via Quadronno 486 00:23:22,015 --> 00:23:24,001 saying New York smelled like garbage." 487 00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:25,016 It was literally garbage day! 488 00:23:25,018 --> 00:23:28,021 It's New York. It's always garbage day. 489 00:23:29,018 --> 00:23:30,011 When are you going to get it? 490 00:23:30,013 --> 00:23:32,005 As far as the press is concerned, 491 00:23:32,007 --> 00:23:33,005 he's R-Patz and you're Suki nobody. 492 00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:36,007 This is the land of schadenfreude on Adderall. 493 00:23:36,009 --> 00:23:39,002 You need to curate your image as meticulously 494 00:23:39,004 --> 00:23:41,022 as a Gagauzian exhibit and follow only my rules. 495 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,004 Otherwise, you'll end up being banned like a plastic bag 496 00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:45,022 on the corner of Lex and D'Agostino. 497 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,023 Okay, I'm going to an opening with Obie tonight, 498 00:23:48,001 --> 00:23:49,018 so I need your help now more than ever. 499 00:23:49,020 --> 00:23:52,005 -Then let's get started. -♪ ("STOP!" BY UPSAHL PLAYING) ♪ 500 00:23:52,007 --> 00:23:54,017 First rule. Never speak in public, 501 00:23:54,019 --> 00:23:55,016 which you've just learned. 502 00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:58,002 Second rule. Never look directly at a camera. 503 00:23:58,004 --> 00:24:01,004 Never look directly anywhere. 504 00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:04,004 -These are contacts. -I don't wear contacts. 505 00:24:04,006 --> 00:24:06,006 Exactly. They'll make everything blurry. 506 00:24:06,008 --> 00:24:08,020 This way, you'll always look like you're smizing. 507 00:24:08,022 --> 00:24:10,011 Because you literally can't see anything. 508 00:24:12,002 --> 00:24:14,011 Third rule. Never sweat. 509 00:24:14,013 --> 00:24:17,000 -Relax, it's just Botox. -I don't want Botox, I'm 14! 510 00:24:17,002 --> 00:24:19,000 It's preventative. 511 00:24:19,002 --> 00:24:20,019 And don't worry, it's not for your face, anyway. 512 00:24:20,021 --> 00:24:21,021 Then what is it for? 513 00:24:22,019 --> 00:24:26,011 Fine, a pad will do. Lift. 514 00:24:26,013 --> 00:24:28,014 -That'll make me sweat more. -And now no one will see it. 515 00:24:28,016 --> 00:24:31,005 -Fourth rule. Know your side. -I have a side? 516 00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:31,021 You do and it's not facing me right now. 517 00:24:31,023 --> 00:24:34,007 Are you taking notes? 518 00:24:34,009 --> 00:24:36,014 ♪ My heart's gonna beat so fast Gonna beat so fast ♪ 519 00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:39,005 ♪ Gonna beat so fast That it might stop! ♪ 520 00:24:40,010 --> 00:24:43,001 ♪ Oh, it feels like my ♪ 521 00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:46,007 ♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 522 00:24:46,009 --> 00:24:48,023 ♪ Ooh, ooh Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 523 00:24:49,001 --> 00:24:50,011 ♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh... ♪ 524 00:24:52,022 --> 00:24:55,003 And finally, five tenets to live and die by in public. 525 00:24:55,005 --> 00:24:57,017 Never eat, cry, PDA, MTA or wear flats. 526 00:24:57,019 --> 00:24:58,016 -Where am I supposed to eat? -In private, 527 00:24:58,018 --> 00:25:00,015 with the blinds drawn. And whatever you do, 528 00:25:00,017 --> 00:25:03,003 never trust the doorman. They sell tips to TMZ. 529 00:25:03,005 --> 00:25:04,018 No way! Jimmy's been in the building 530 00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:07,011 -since the '70s when my grandma first moved there. -Ew. You live with your grandma? 531 00:25:07,013 --> 00:25:09,015 No. I mean, she's in a home, but I stay in her apartment, 532 00:25:09,017 --> 00:25:11,010 which is probably something I shouldn't have told you 533 00:25:11,012 --> 00:25:13,023 because it's rent-controlled and the board doesn't know that I'm there, but-- 534 00:25:14,001 --> 00:25:16,004 Do I look like I want a story? You're a client, not a colleague. 535 00:25:16,006 --> 00:25:16,017 Now show me what's in your bag. 536 00:25:16,019 --> 00:25:19,000 Hey! 537 00:25:19,002 --> 00:25:20,023 I shouldn't be seen with you right now. 538 00:25:21,001 --> 00:25:22,012 It's fine, Gossip Girl knows nothing, okay? 539 00:25:24,014 --> 00:25:26,002 But she could find out. 540 00:25:26,004 --> 00:25:27,023 If you want to guarantee, I'll never tell... 541 00:25:28,001 --> 00:25:29,023 -More steam-room shenanigans? 542 00:25:30,001 --> 00:25:32,009 More of a catfishing expedition. 543 00:25:32,011 --> 00:25:35,018 I need you to create a fake Scruff profile 544 00:25:35,020 --> 00:25:37,008 and use it on my dad. 545 00:25:38,005 --> 00:25:39,015 Are you out of your fucking mind? 546 00:25:39,017 --> 00:25:42,006 Look, I need proof that he is using the app for more than perusal. 547 00:25:42,008 --> 00:25:45,004 -Why don't you just do it yourself? -You want me to sext my father? 548 00:25:45,006 --> 00:25:46,020 Is it any better you want me to? 549 00:25:46,022 --> 00:25:50,010 No, not as you. As Rafa. Okay? 550 00:25:50,012 --> 00:25:52,011 Clone his profile and get chatty. 551 00:25:52,013 --> 00:25:53,022 No nudes, no private album, 552 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,009 just the innocent intention of meeting up on record. 553 00:25:56,011 --> 00:25:59,021 This is ridiculous, even for you. 554 00:25:59,023 --> 00:26:01,023 Well, since the guy won't fuck me, 555 00:26:02,001 --> 00:26:03,017 I might as well fuck with him. 556 00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:07,019 Here. Come on, I'll even-- I'll set it up myself. 557 00:26:15,002 --> 00:26:22,007 ♪ ("TEAR DROP" BY MASSIVE ATTACK PLAYING) ♪ 558 00:26:22,009 --> 00:26:24,004 Spotted on 559 00:26:24,006 --> 00:26:27,013 JC donning her best disguise. 560 00:26:27,015 --> 00:26:32,005 ♪ Love, love is a verb Love is a doing... ♪ 561 00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:33,018 And is she the only one? 562 00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:38,005 ♪ Fearless on my breath ♪ 563 00:26:39,022 --> 00:26:45,020 ♪ Gentle impulsion Shakes me makes me lighter ♪ 564 00:26:45,022 --> 00:26:52,000 ♪ Fearless on my breath ♪ 565 00:26:52,002 --> 00:26:59,000 ♪ Black flowers blossom Fearless on my breath ♪ 566 00:27:04,008 --> 00:27:11,005 ♪ Teardrop on the fire Fearless on my breath ♪ 567 00:27:13,005 --> 00:27:15,014 Guess we better run to the box office 568 00:27:15,016 --> 00:27:18,009 to get our own ticket for tonight's show. 569 00:27:18,011 --> 00:27:21,002 Something is clearly about to go down. 570 00:27:21,004 --> 00:27:25,015 ♪ Stumbling down ♪ 571 00:27:31,003 --> 00:27:32,016 What in God's name are you wearing? 572 00:27:33,016 --> 00:27:36,020 Your father thought it advisable 573 00:27:36,022 --> 00:27:37,022 not to ruffle any feathers tonight. 574 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,001 Although, to be honest, I would rather be wearing them. 575 00:27:42,003 --> 00:27:45,002 -Well, why aren't you, then? -He said I looked great. 576 00:27:45,004 --> 00:27:45,022 Dignified. 577 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,005 Oh, that's because you look like him. 578 00:27:47,007 --> 00:27:50,000 -Maximus-- -No, no, wait. 579 00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,002 I do not want to ruffle any feathers either, okay? 580 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,004 But you raised me to be my most authentic self, 581 00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:57,005 -did you not? -Of course we did. And you are. 582 00:27:57,007 --> 00:27:58,015 And we wouldn't have it any other way. 583 00:27:58,017 --> 00:28:01,006 Then you need to start following your own advice. 584 00:28:01,008 --> 00:28:03,013 Be you. To hell with what anyone else says. 585 00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:05,019 -Even Pops. -Oh. I don't know-- 586 00:28:05,021 --> 00:28:08,018 Did I not see the most spectacular Kamali number 587 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:11,014 in your closet? That would just be perfect for tonight. 588 00:28:11,016 --> 00:28:13,012 -I know. I did have it tailored. -Yeah, yeah. 589 00:28:13,014 --> 00:28:17,002 Okay, well I'm excited to see it on you. 590 00:28:17,004 --> 00:28:18,016 Go. I'll change, too. 591 00:28:43,023 --> 00:28:45,009 Since when do you take a car? 592 00:28:45,011 --> 00:28:47,007 Remind me to learn how to Citi-bike in a dress? 593 00:28:48,013 --> 00:28:50,000 So this is what you look like at night? 594 00:28:50,014 --> 00:28:52,016 It, uh-- It is now. 595 00:28:54,017 --> 00:28:57,004 It's beautiful. You're beautiful. 596 00:28:57,014 --> 00:28:58,019 Thank you. 597 00:29:00,021 --> 00:29:02,007 You know, I'm really glad you invited me 598 00:29:02,009 --> 00:29:04,011 as your plus one tonight. I feel like it's been forever 599 00:29:04,013 --> 00:29:06,015 since we did something like this, just the two of us. 600 00:29:06,017 --> 00:29:08,012 Well, I'm really glad you're back from Berlin. 601 00:29:08,014 --> 00:29:11,003 But you must be exhausted. You should have coffee. 602 00:29:11,005 --> 00:29:14,016 I heard the play is very long and full of surprises. 603 00:29:14,018 --> 00:29:16,006 -You're gonna want to be awake. -Okay. 604 00:29:16,008 --> 00:29:17,010 -I'll be right back. -Sure. 605 00:29:19,016 --> 00:29:21,010 Hey, what did he say, exactly? 606 00:29:21,012 --> 00:29:22,015 Why don't you just read it yourself? 607 00:29:24,001 --> 00:29:25,012 He was hesitant at first but then he asked 608 00:29:25,014 --> 00:29:27,005 if we could come over to my place next weekend. 609 00:29:27,007 --> 00:29:28,020 That's when my dad's in London. Okay, um-- 610 00:29:28,022 --> 00:29:31,018 Okay, maybe-- maybe I do need to read it for myself? 611 00:29:31,020 --> 00:29:33,016 -What's your password? -2046. 612 00:29:33,018 --> 00:29:35,010 Wong Kar-Wai's unsung masterpiece. 613 00:29:36,014 --> 00:29:37,023 Did you just steal my phone? 614 00:29:41,018 --> 00:29:43,011 Thank God you're sitting next to us. 615 00:29:43,013 --> 00:29:44,020 I cannot be near Max, or Aki might put it together. 616 00:29:44,022 --> 00:29:47,018 I really don't think Gossip Girl was referring to you. 617 00:29:47,020 --> 00:29:49,015 Optically speaking, I would like to err on the side of caution. 618 00:29:49,017 --> 00:29:51,014 Proximity plus the wine I'm gonna need 619 00:29:51,016 --> 00:29:53,020 to get through this play are not a good combo. 620 00:29:58,006 --> 00:29:59,006 What are you looking for? 621 00:30:09,005 --> 00:30:10,019 Hi. 622 00:30:13,013 --> 00:30:13,019 There's Max. 623 00:30:15,023 --> 00:30:20,000 Who knew you liked a grand romantic gesture so much? 624 00:30:20,002 --> 00:30:21,002 Lola. 625 00:30:22,008 --> 00:30:24,006 -What are you-- -You look surprised. 626 00:30:24,008 --> 00:30:27,017 Yes, I do exist before the clock strikes 11:00. 627 00:30:27,019 --> 00:30:30,009 Those lily roses with the ticket tucked and twined? 628 00:30:30,011 --> 00:30:33,012 -So thoughtful. 629 00:30:33,014 --> 00:30:37,009 And opening night, what a way to go public! 630 00:30:37,011 --> 00:30:40,006 At The Public! 631 00:30:40,008 --> 00:30:43,011 Well, I am so glad it worked out. 632 00:30:43,013 --> 00:30:44,014 Would you excuse me for one minute? 633 00:30:44,016 --> 00:30:45,005 I should hit the bathroom before-- 634 00:30:45,007 --> 00:30:47,000 Okay. 635 00:30:47,015 --> 00:30:48,021 I'll be here. 636 00:30:53,011 --> 00:30:55,018 ♪ Lonely tonight ♪ 637 00:30:55,020 --> 00:30:57,009 Oh God, what did you do? 638 00:30:57,011 --> 00:30:58,010 I have no idea what you're talking about. 639 00:30:58,012 --> 00:31:00,015 Normally I wouldn't accept a gift from a student. 640 00:31:00,017 --> 00:31:03,002 But I'm a huge fan of Jeremy's work, 641 00:31:03,004 --> 00:31:04,011 -so thank your dad for me? -You can thank him yourself. 642 00:31:04,013 --> 00:31:07,001 I'll introduce you after the show. 643 00:31:08,014 --> 00:31:10,014 You know what? You deserve a better seat. 644 00:31:10,016 --> 00:31:12,007 Here, take my ticket instead. 645 00:31:16,012 --> 00:31:19,019 -Oh... I need your ticket. -The extra one you gave me? 646 00:31:19,021 --> 00:31:21,010 No, I need it. 647 00:31:21,012 --> 00:31:23,017 The sacrifices we make for the theater, darling. 648 00:31:23,019 --> 00:31:25,019 Next time, steal someone else's plan. 649 00:31:26,013 --> 00:31:28,005 But this is obstructed view! 650 00:31:28,007 --> 00:31:30,002 Well, guess you need to gain some clarity. 651 00:31:37,001 --> 00:31:40,004 Let the play around the play begin. 652 00:31:56,007 --> 00:31:58,001 Thought you were supposed to sit with your dads? 653 00:31:58,003 --> 00:31:59,018 You don't like me in the middle? 654 00:32:02,014 --> 00:32:05,011 Sorry. -Dude, give me back my phone! 655 00:32:09,003 --> 00:32:13,013 Ooh, looks like someone's been doing extra credit homework. 656 00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:14,022 What are you guys doing? 657 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,004 -Nothing. 658 00:32:16,006 --> 00:32:18,003 "AARON features full frontal nudity, 659 00:32:18,005 --> 00:32:22,000 potentially disturbing realistically depicted violence, 660 00:32:22,002 --> 00:32:23,020 simulated and non-simulated sex scenes, 661 00:32:23,022 --> 00:32:27,010 and..." "...audience participation." 662 00:32:27,012 --> 00:32:29,014 Try and put on a brave face, dear. 663 00:32:29,016 --> 00:32:30,022 It's a miracle the theater's even open. 664 00:32:34,022 --> 00:32:35,000 What do you know? 665 00:32:36,012 --> 00:32:37,022 Mr. Caparros, right? 666 00:32:38,008 --> 00:32:39,008 Who? 667 00:32:39,010 --> 00:32:41,022 -Max's Classics teacher! -Of course. Nice to see you. 668 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,000 And please, Rafa. 669 00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:43,016 I don't think you two know each other. 670 00:32:43,018 --> 00:32:46,000 Uh, no, no. We certainly don't. 671 00:32:46,002 --> 00:32:48,005 -Nice to meet you. -This is my husband, Roy Sachs. 672 00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:49,022 Honey, I think you had a walkthrough in Wilton, 673 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,001 the day of parent-teacher conferences. 674 00:32:52,003 --> 00:32:54,019 I was so thrilled to learn you're having them 675 00:32:54,021 --> 00:32:57,004 -read Catullus and Ovid this term. -Mm. 676 00:32:57,006 --> 00:33:03,023 All right, I've got Justin's, peanut MandMs and Tate's. 677 00:33:04,001 --> 00:33:06,002 They're the gluten-free ones, 'cause they were out of the regular. 678 00:33:06,017 --> 00:33:08,008 I'm good. Thank you. 679 00:33:08,010 --> 00:33:11,001 -I thought you loved MandMs. -I'm just not very hungry. 680 00:33:13,023 --> 00:33:16,017 You know, I saw Hamilton here with Max, 681 00:33:16,019 --> 00:33:18,000 before it went on Broadway. 682 00:33:19,010 --> 00:33:21,010 You into that play? 683 00:33:22,003 --> 00:33:23,002 No doubt it's a work of art. 684 00:33:25,014 --> 00:33:28,002 -Um, but-- -But what? 685 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,017 What? 686 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,010 Of course. 687 00:33:35,012 --> 00:33:37,010 I thought you were coming here with your dad? 688 00:33:37,012 --> 00:33:39,023 I don't have to tell you who I am or am not here with. 689 00:33:42,001 --> 00:33:43,006 It's the least you can do. 690 00:33:50,006 --> 00:33:52,015 -Can you remove your hat? -Uh... No. 691 00:33:52,017 --> 00:33:53,018 Who's that that your-- Who's that that your dad's with? 692 00:33:53,020 --> 00:33:56,014 Why? Do you want to date her, too? 693 00:34:05,020 --> 00:34:06,020 That's my... 694 00:34:09,001 --> 00:34:11,000 -She's my-- -Your daughter? 695 00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:14,018 Who I now realize I met the other night. 696 00:34:17,004 --> 00:34:19,005 You didn't invite me here, did you? 697 00:34:20,013 --> 00:34:24,001 LX 1. LX 2, go. 698 00:34:24,018 --> 00:34:25,004 Aaron, go. 699 00:34:38,003 --> 00:34:39,006 What? 700 00:34:40,016 --> 00:34:42,010 What? 701 00:34:42,012 --> 00:34:44,022 Have I not arrived as you assumed I would? 702 00:34:45,013 --> 00:34:47,014 Like a black dog. 703 00:34:48,013 --> 00:34:49,004 As the saying is... 704 00:34:53,007 --> 00:34:55,016 You do know who I am, right? 705 00:34:57,005 --> 00:34:58,017 The inhuman dog. 706 00:35:00,006 --> 00:35:02,013 Unhallowed slave. 707 00:35:04,012 --> 00:35:07,011 Who said it first? 708 00:35:09,014 --> 00:35:10,013 You... 709 00:35:12,006 --> 00:35:13,009 Who said it first? 710 00:35:16,015 --> 00:35:19,001 My... ...father said it of my father! 711 00:35:22,018 --> 00:35:25,003 ♪ ("NEVER SAY NEVER" BY ROMEO VOID PLAYING) ♪ 712 00:35:25,005 --> 00:35:28,004 So, what'd you think? It was pretty intense, huh? 713 00:35:31,007 --> 00:35:33,012 And you're still shocked, I see. 714 00:35:33,014 --> 00:35:34,017 There's a four-block rule. 715 00:35:34,019 --> 00:35:36,011 You can't talk about the work until you're four blocks away. 716 00:35:36,013 --> 00:35:39,017 I've never known you to wait half a block to say anything. 717 00:35:39,019 --> 00:35:41,003 Thank you. 718 00:35:42,003 --> 00:35:44,010 Now you're turning down lemongrass chicken? 719 00:35:44,012 --> 00:35:46,004 The play was, like, four hours long, I mean... 720 00:35:48,008 --> 00:35:50,013 Well, you must be... starving. 721 00:35:52,001 --> 00:35:54,004 I'll be right back. 722 00:35:55,001 --> 00:35:59,011 -Hey. Hey. We need to talk. -Do we? 723 00:35:59,013 --> 00:36:00,008 Because I'm pretty sure whatever you say, 724 00:36:00,010 --> 00:36:02,011 you'll be leaving a lot out as usual. 725 00:36:02,013 --> 00:36:04,015 -What you did tonight was-- -Oh, I'm at fault? 726 00:36:04,017 --> 00:36:08,008 Do I have a secret apartment? A secret partner, a secret life? 727 00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:10,016 It was never my intention to hide anything from you. 728 00:36:10,018 --> 00:36:14,012 But you did. And you didn't just hide it, you lied. 729 00:36:14,014 --> 00:36:16,010 All of these trips you take, how many are real 730 00:36:16,012 --> 00:36:18,006 and how many are ten blocks away? 731 00:36:18,008 --> 00:36:20,017 -It's not that simp-- -Okay, yeah. 732 00:36:20,019 --> 00:36:23,023 I guess we just have more in common than I realized. 733 00:36:24,001 --> 00:36:26,021 We both have a public life and a private one. 734 00:36:26,023 --> 00:36:28,015 I don't want to do that anymore. 735 00:36:28,017 --> 00:36:32,006 -Hey, Julien. I am sorry-- -It's not your fault. 736 00:36:32,020 --> 00:36:34,006 But a tip? 737 00:36:34,008 --> 00:36:36,012 You should probably find someone who isn't afraid to be seen with you. 738 00:36:45,003 --> 00:36:47,001 Burton emailed me my interrogation time. 739 00:36:47,003 --> 00:36:50,009 During school hours, like... 740 00:36:50,011 --> 00:36:52,020 I guess it's more important to talk to a bunch of black hats 741 00:36:52,022 --> 00:36:54,011 about an anonymous Instagram account 742 00:36:54,013 --> 00:36:57,000 -than actually teach students? -It's not anonymous to you. 743 00:36:57,002 --> 00:37:00,007 George doesn't understand our little social experiment. 744 00:37:00,009 --> 00:37:01,023 He went to public school in Suburbia 745 00:37:02,001 --> 00:37:03,019 where everybody was nice to each other. 746 00:37:03,021 --> 00:37:05,011 This isn't something to joke about. 747 00:37:05,013 --> 00:37:07,003 That firm exposed billionaires, 748 00:37:07,005 --> 00:37:09,023 uncovered massive corporate security breaches. 749 00:37:10,001 --> 00:37:12,001 They worked for Weinstein. You think you can outsmart them? 750 00:37:12,003 --> 00:37:15,014 I did place a firewall on the school servers. 751 00:37:15,016 --> 00:37:16,019 These people invented firewalls. 752 00:37:16,021 --> 00:37:20,004 You should quit now before your entire careers are destroyed. 753 00:37:20,006 --> 00:37:22,019 I understand your concerns, George. 754 00:37:22,021 --> 00:37:26,019 But the school board doesn't actually care about Gossip Girl. 755 00:37:26,021 --> 00:37:28,007 They just hate the noise. 756 00:37:28,009 --> 00:37:30,016 We're in the midst of figuring out a way 757 00:37:30,018 --> 00:37:31,003 -to quiet it all down. 758 00:37:32,001 --> 00:37:36,000 You're my wife. I can't help but worry. 759 00:37:36,002 --> 00:37:37,012 You know why I was fired? 760 00:37:37,014 --> 00:37:39,020 My boss, a father at your school, 761 00:37:39,022 --> 00:37:43,005 knew I knew he had expensed escorts. 762 00:37:43,007 --> 00:37:44,022 That's why we're doing this. 763 00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,016 To hold these people and their kids accountable. 764 00:37:48,020 --> 00:37:52,014 -You could expose him. -I've already lost my job. 765 00:37:52,016 --> 00:37:54,012 I don't want to lose my integrity on top of that. 766 00:37:55,010 --> 00:37:58,006 Besides, privilege and power, 767 00:37:58,008 --> 00:38:01,016 no matter how amoral, will always win in the end. 768 00:38:01,018 --> 00:38:04,023 And the people at the bottom will always end up with nothing. 769 00:38:05,001 --> 00:38:07,023 People like us. Sorry, where's your bathroom? 770 00:38:08,001 --> 00:38:09,020 Um... Just down the hall, to the left. 771 00:38:15,012 --> 00:38:17,011 We are a bit wrapped up in it. 772 00:38:17,013 --> 00:38:19,022 Well, of course we are. We created it. 773 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,011 Maybe we should be considering 774 00:38:21,013 --> 00:38:23,017 if it's worth risking everything we care about? 775 00:38:23,019 --> 00:38:26,009 I like being a teacher. Don't you? 776 00:38:38,013 --> 00:38:40,004 Did we just get fucked? 777 00:38:41,009 --> 00:38:42,015 I loved it. 778 00:38:42,017 --> 00:38:45,021 But it'd be committing theatrical seppuku to transfer it. 779 00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:50,009 It would close in a week, especially without a star. 780 00:38:50,011 --> 00:38:52,023 I just wish it wasn't so confrontational. 781 00:38:53,001 --> 00:38:56,015 I mean, even Taylor Mac added farce to his Titus. 782 00:38:56,017 --> 00:38:57,010 And it still flopped. 783 00:38:57,012 --> 00:38:59,012 I guess it's Ivo's gender-swapped 784 00:38:59,014 --> 00:39:01,015 My Fair Lady with Gyllenhaal instead? 785 00:39:01,017 --> 00:39:02,005 Are you kidding me? 786 00:39:04,010 --> 00:39:06,005 Hey, where've you been? I've been looking for you. 787 00:39:06,007 --> 00:39:09,005 -Obie. Do you know-- -A provocative play like AARON 788 00:39:09,007 --> 00:39:11,014 is exactly what Broadway needs after a year on pause. 789 00:39:11,016 --> 00:39:14,008 What it doesn't is another "revisal" of-- of anything. 790 00:39:14,010 --> 00:39:16,010 Especially one devised by white people, 791 00:39:16,012 --> 00:39:18,006 about white people, starring white people. 792 00:39:18,008 --> 00:39:20,020 That's why the theater was invented, right? 793 00:39:20,022 --> 00:39:25,000 To challenge audience members to-- to think beyond their own narratives. 794 00:39:25,002 --> 00:39:26,019 I mean, come on, have you never read Shange? 795 00:39:27,008 --> 00:39:28,019 Albee? Fornés? 796 00:39:29,020 --> 00:39:32,020 -Hey. Who are you? Oh, hi, Jeremy. 797 00:39:32,022 --> 00:39:35,001 Oh. I'm no one. 798 00:39:35,003 --> 00:39:37,002 You seem very much like someone to me. 799 00:39:37,004 --> 00:39:38,010 Let's find a less confrontational space. 800 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:40,012 And have a little talk. 801 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,000 Hey, excuse us. 802 00:39:50,016 --> 00:39:52,007 Um... Hey. 803 00:39:52,009 --> 00:39:55,019 Sorry about messaging you at the theater-- 804 00:39:55,021 --> 00:39:59,005 About that. I think you might have me confused with someone else. 805 00:39:59,007 --> 00:40:02,020 Hey, Pops! Don't leave me and Dad out of the conversation! 806 00:40:02,022 --> 00:40:04,001 Max, I was talking to my friend. 807 00:40:04,003 --> 00:40:07,019 Oh, you're gonna want to talk to these two more, trust me. 808 00:40:07,021 --> 00:40:09,011 Do you want to tell him or should I? 809 00:40:09,013 --> 00:40:10,013 Want to tell him what? 810 00:40:11,013 --> 00:40:12,010 Tell me what? 811 00:40:13,013 --> 00:40:15,001 -I'm confused... -Max. 812 00:40:18,017 --> 00:40:20,000 Pops is on Scruff. 813 00:40:21,010 --> 00:40:23,016 Yeah, he's got an active profile that says "newly single." 814 00:40:23,018 --> 00:40:28,003 And he's been messaging guys with the intention of cheating. 815 00:40:28,005 --> 00:40:29,018 This guy in particular. 816 00:40:29,020 --> 00:40:32,012 Hey, Max. Max, that's enough. Stop. Stop it. Give me that. 817 00:40:32,014 --> 00:40:33,022 -Stop that! -Wait, you did this? 818 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,020 With Max's teacher? 819 00:40:35,022 --> 00:40:39,000 Yes, I did, but-- -Not with me, no. It... 820 00:40:39,002 --> 00:40:40,009 What do you mean, not with you? 821 00:40:41,013 --> 00:40:43,011 I think your son can explain. 822 00:40:43,013 --> 00:40:45,006 What does he have to do with this? 823 00:40:45,008 --> 00:40:47,014 He deserved to know the truth. 824 00:40:47,016 --> 00:40:49,022 -Did you pretend-- -Well, not me, but-- 825 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:51,012 Is it true? 826 00:40:51,014 --> 00:40:53,016 -Is it true? -Nothing happened. 827 00:40:53,018 --> 00:40:55,012 All right, it was just talk, it was all talk. 828 00:40:55,014 --> 00:40:56,020 But you wanted something to happen. 829 00:40:56,022 --> 00:40:59,016 I just wanted to talk and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. 830 00:40:59,018 --> 00:41:01,018 I don't understand why you would do something like this. 831 00:41:01,020 --> 00:41:04,001 Oh, God! 832 00:41:04,003 --> 00:41:05,004 Look, Gideon, I love you. 833 00:41:05,006 --> 00:41:07,011 But when I fell in love with you, you were different. 834 00:41:09,008 --> 00:41:11,004 You've changed. And I'm not sure I... 835 00:41:12,019 --> 00:41:14,001 I don't even know if I'm able to-- 836 00:41:14,003 --> 00:41:16,013 Still be attracted to me. 837 00:41:16,015 --> 00:41:20,013 -With all this. -I still love you. 838 00:41:20,015 --> 00:41:22,021 -I do, but-- -But you like it masc? 839 00:41:23,016 --> 00:41:24,019 Is that it? 840 00:41:24,021 --> 00:41:26,011 And instead of talking to me about it, 841 00:41:26,013 --> 00:41:28,008 you were gonna fuck some other guys 842 00:41:28,010 --> 00:41:30,015 -so you can feel it again? -No, no. Of course not. 843 00:41:30,017 --> 00:41:32,007 I still want you, only you. 844 00:41:32,009 --> 00:41:34,013 You want the version of me you're comfortable with. 845 00:41:34,015 --> 00:41:36,001 The one I felt I still had to be when we first met. 846 00:41:36,003 --> 00:41:37,013 But not who I am. 847 00:41:38,020 --> 00:41:40,008 I'm growing. 848 00:41:41,004 --> 00:41:42,022 But after almost 20 years together, 849 00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,006 I'm shocked you can't see that the only thing 850 00:41:44,008 --> 00:41:47,018 that has changed here is you. 851 00:41:51,013 --> 00:41:54,011 ♪ ("HARDEN MY HEART" BY QUARTERFLASH PLAYING) ♪ 852 00:41:55,002 --> 00:41:56,001 Why? 853 00:41:57,011 --> 00:42:02,006 -Why would you do that to me? -Why would you do this to us? 854 00:42:02,008 --> 00:42:04,007 ♪ Harden my heart ♪ 855 00:42:04,009 --> 00:42:08,002 ♪ I'm gonna swallow my tears ♪ 856 00:42:08,004 --> 00:42:12,018 ♪ I'm gonna harden my heart ♪ 857 00:42:12,020 --> 00:42:18,001 ♪ I'm gonna swallow my tears ♪ 858 00:42:18,003 --> 00:42:21,003 ♪ Harden my heart Harden my heart ♪ 859 00:42:23,014 --> 00:42:27,003 Obie. What are you doing out here? 860 00:42:27,005 --> 00:42:29,005 I was looking for you. I thought that you had left. 861 00:42:29,007 --> 00:42:31,003 Oh, Jeremy actually asked me to... 862 00:42:33,007 --> 00:42:36,018 -You're upset. -No. 863 00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:39,011 Is it because of what I said earlier, about the play? 864 00:42:39,013 --> 00:42:42,009 I mean, I was in the middle of speaking and you just kinda left. 865 00:42:43,003 --> 00:42:44,013 I was just confused. 866 00:42:44,015 --> 00:42:47,015 'Cause you've been so weird all night. 867 00:42:47,017 --> 00:42:50,000 And then suddenly you're yourself again 868 00:42:50,002 --> 00:42:52,021 and then you ditch me. So... 869 00:42:55,005 --> 00:43:00,002 Okay, when I showed up tonight and you liked how I looked, 870 00:43:00,004 --> 00:43:04,003 I thought maybe while you said you wanted something different, 871 00:43:04,005 --> 00:43:06,018 you're actually pretty comfortable with what you already know. 872 00:43:06,020 --> 00:43:08,013 The perfect picture by your side. 873 00:43:09,007 --> 00:43:10,016 But that's not me. 874 00:43:10,018 --> 00:43:14,012 I'm gonna say the wrong thing and sweat through my clothes 875 00:43:14,014 --> 00:43:17,007 and eat in the middle of the sidewalk. I-- 876 00:43:17,009 --> 00:43:19,017 I want you to be who you are. 877 00:43:19,019 --> 00:43:23,000 All right, you understand why I ended it with Julien. 878 00:43:23,002 --> 00:43:25,013 Yeah. You couldn't find her anymore. 879 00:43:27,002 --> 00:43:29,016 But have you thought about how you might have contributed to that? 880 00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:34,002 That you didn't lose her but she got lost behind you? 881 00:43:34,004 --> 00:43:36,004 I mean, it's really hard to date the prince of New York 882 00:43:36,006 --> 00:43:38,011 when even he won't admit that that's who he is. 883 00:43:52,014 --> 00:43:55,018 -Do you mind if I, um... -Do the right thing? 884 00:43:57,008 --> 00:43:58,010 Never. 885 00:44:00,019 --> 00:44:01,021 Hey, Jules. 886 00:44:01,023 --> 00:44:03,017 -No, thank you. -I wanna talk. 887 00:44:03,019 --> 00:44:06,003 All right, just really talk. 888 00:44:12,008 --> 00:44:14,018 I know, um... 889 00:44:16,016 --> 00:44:19,000 I know that I said that I didn't like who you'd become. 890 00:44:19,020 --> 00:44:21,004 I, uh... 891 00:44:21,006 --> 00:44:24,016 I... I definitely should have... 892 00:44:24,018 --> 00:44:26,023 realized and accepted some responsibility 893 00:44:27,001 --> 00:44:28,003 for my part of that. 894 00:44:29,020 --> 00:44:33,008 Maybe, I was more comfortable not knowing, because... 895 00:44:34,019 --> 00:44:36,009 You know, if I had looked too closely, 896 00:44:36,011 --> 00:44:37,019 I might see some of myself, too. 897 00:44:40,003 --> 00:44:41,020 I spent so much time... 898 00:44:41,022 --> 00:44:43,019 ...putting forward this idea of me, that I just... 899 00:44:45,020 --> 00:44:47,002 forgot who I was a little. 900 00:44:49,004 --> 00:44:52,006 Like my dad has. Like everyone has, apparently. 901 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,019 Except for her. 902 00:45:02,014 --> 00:45:03,016 It's no wonder you like her. 903 00:45:07,013 --> 00:45:11,012 I think-- You know, I think that you deserve 904 00:45:11,014 --> 00:45:12,018 someone who sees you, who, um... 905 00:45:15,007 --> 00:45:16,010 sees all of you. 906 00:45:18,010 --> 00:45:20,012 And maybe I needed you to walk away 907 00:45:20,014 --> 00:45:22,012 to see that I could stand on my own. 908 00:45:45,001 --> 00:45:46,011 -Hello? Reema? It's Wendy. 909 00:45:46,013 --> 00:45:49,009 I know I shouldn't tell you this, 910 00:45:49,011 --> 00:45:51,017 but a tip came into the Gossip Girl DMs 911 00:45:51,019 --> 00:45:54,015 a few weeks ago about your husband's former boss, 912 00:45:54,017 --> 00:45:57,006 and Kate didn't want to tell you. She thought you might get upset. 913 00:45:57,008 --> 00:45:58,003 Oh, my God, really? 914 00:45:58,005 --> 00:46:00,006 What was it? 915 00:46:00,008 --> 00:46:01,016 One of the escorts he hired 916 00:46:01,018 --> 00:46:03,016 was a senior at Constance. 917 00:46:03,018 --> 00:46:06,005 I mean, do with that what you will. 918 00:46:06,007 --> 00:46:07,017 But I just figured you'd want to know 919 00:46:07,019 --> 00:46:10,012 in case you felt compelled to expose the truth 920 00:46:10,014 --> 00:46:11,017 one final time. 921 00:46:11,019 --> 00:46:15,016 Might even get your husband's old boss fired, 922 00:46:15,018 --> 00:46:16,022 get his job back. 923 00:46:17,023 --> 00:46:19,021 That's a lot to hear. Uh... 924 00:46:21,022 --> 00:46:23,013 I can't believe Kate didn't tell me. 925 00:46:23,015 --> 00:46:24,016 Which is why I am. 926 00:46:24,018 --> 00:46:27,006 Listen, if you do want to do something with it, 927 00:46:27,008 --> 00:46:28,019 remember the firewall. 928 00:46:28,021 --> 00:46:32,007 You're protected only at school during school hours. 929 00:46:32,009 --> 00:46:34,017 We all have the password. 930 00:46:39,011 --> 00:46:41,000 ♪ ("CLOUDBUSTING" BY KATE BUSH PLAYING) ♪ 931 00:46:41,002 --> 00:46:47,004 ♪ I still dream Of all the noise ♪ 932 00:46:48,009 --> 00:46:49,014 Should we last-call him before it's too late? 933 00:46:49,016 --> 00:46:54,015 Here. 934 00:46:55,015 --> 00:46:57,008 Maybe it's time to call it a night? 935 00:46:57,010 --> 00:46:59,017 And why would I do that? 936 00:46:59,019 --> 00:47:01,011 Because you're a bit out of control? 937 00:47:01,013 --> 00:47:02,012 That's what you like, isn't it? To relinquish control. 938 00:47:02,014 --> 00:47:05,003 Or is that only with me. I tell you what, 939 00:47:05,005 --> 00:47:07,003 let's ask some of your other candidates? 940 00:47:07,005 --> 00:47:09,017 -Max, don't-- -We got-- We got Judd. 941 00:47:09,019 --> 00:47:14,006 Uh, Phuc? Robert? Oh, he's cute. 942 00:47:14,008 --> 00:47:16,005 Is that-- Is that your phone? 943 00:47:16,007 --> 00:47:17,022 Why is that on your phone? What is this? 944 00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:18,019 He's lying. It's his phone. 945 00:47:18,021 --> 00:47:20,021 He's just really fucked up right now-- 946 00:47:20,023 --> 00:47:22,007 Correct. Check. 947 00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:24,023 I am-- I'm outside my boundaries now, 948 00:47:25,001 --> 00:47:26,008 just like both of you. 949 00:47:26,010 --> 00:47:28,020 In fact, I am so outside that I don't know 950 00:47:28,022 --> 00:47:31,008 if you're gonna be able to hear me when I say 951 00:47:31,010 --> 00:47:33,010 I'm not the only one who fucked up here. 952 00:47:33,012 --> 00:47:34,019 You fucked up, too. 953 00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:37,013 You fucked me. And you wanted to. 954 00:47:37,015 --> 00:47:40,022 God, come on, it is time that we all stopped hiding 955 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,018 and started being who we really are, right? 956 00:47:42,020 --> 00:47:46,008 Right? Okay, no more lies. Only truths. Okay. 957 00:47:46,010 --> 00:47:50,005 So I will go first as the only truth-teller here. 958 00:47:50,007 --> 00:47:53,019 You guys, you just, you don't do it for each other anymore. 959 00:47:53,021 --> 00:47:56,012 You just do me. But you can't have me. 960 00:47:56,014 --> 00:47:58,014 Nobody can have me. 961 00:47:58,016 --> 00:48:02,017 I am not even here. I am gone. And end fucking scene. 962 00:48:02,019 --> 00:48:06,009 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING IN BACKGROUND) ♪ 963 00:48:06,011 --> 00:48:08,020 ♪ The sun is coming out ♪ 964 00:48:20,002 --> 00:48:23,006 -Where's Lola? -I sent her home. 965 00:48:23,008 --> 00:48:26,000 -Oh, to your pied-affair? Cute. 966 00:48:26,002 --> 00:48:28,013 And no. To her own apartment. 967 00:48:29,016 --> 00:48:32,011 You know, when you were a kid, 968 00:48:32,013 --> 00:48:35,011 I wanted you to feel like you were the only woman in my life. 969 00:48:36,003 --> 00:48:36,023 Because you are. 970 00:48:38,012 --> 00:48:39,009 So I made a choice 971 00:48:39,011 --> 00:48:42,017 that I would always keep my dating life private. 972 00:48:42,019 --> 00:48:46,020 And I think I forgot that you grew up 973 00:48:46,022 --> 00:48:48,003 and can handle the truth. 974 00:48:50,002 --> 00:48:51,010 I couldn't be more sorry. 975 00:48:53,006 --> 00:48:54,020 I never want to lie to you again. 976 00:48:54,022 --> 00:48:58,018 I think that we can both agree to do better. 977 00:48:58,020 --> 00:49:00,016 That we can live our lives more honestly, 978 00:49:00,018 --> 00:49:02,011 with ourselves and with each other. 979 00:49:09,002 --> 00:49:10,003 I'd really like to meet her. 980 00:49:20,006 --> 00:49:22,006 So does the Four Block Rule 981 00:49:22,008 --> 00:49:24,004 still apply on the Upper West Side? 982 00:49:24,006 --> 00:49:26,016 I guess that depends on the subject being discussed. 983 00:49:27,014 --> 00:49:29,001 -What if I whisper it? -No promises. 984 00:49:31,004 --> 00:49:35,004 I'd really like to kiss you right now. 985 00:50:03,021 --> 00:50:05,010 You put on a real show tonight. 986 00:50:08,022 --> 00:50:10,000 There's another one tomorrow, I'm sure. 987 00:50:13,006 --> 00:50:14,020 I don't appreciate being used. 988 00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,023 I had no idea it would blow up like that. 989 00:50:19,011 --> 00:50:21,012 What did you think would happen? 990 00:50:21,014 --> 00:50:23,015 You know, that my dads would realize 991 00:50:23,017 --> 00:50:25,012 that they were being stupid and just talk? 992 00:50:25,014 --> 00:50:26,019 But I fucked it up. 993 00:50:26,021 --> 00:50:28,015 No, it would have come out eventually. 994 00:50:29,003 --> 00:50:30,021 It always does. 995 00:50:30,023 --> 00:50:32,018 Yeah, I know. But I just didn't realize 996 00:50:32,020 --> 00:50:34,015 it would hurt this fucking much when it did. 997 00:50:47,016 --> 00:50:49,003 ♪ ("HARDLINE" BY JULIEN BAKER PLAYING) ♪ 998 00:50:49,005 --> 00:50:52,004 You know why the play's the thing? 999 00:50:54,010 --> 00:50:57,022 Because it holds up a mirror to our own lives. 1000 00:51:04,016 --> 00:51:07,005 -♪ Blacked out on a weekday ♪ 1001 00:51:07,007 --> 00:51:10,020 Sometimes it's about staying true to your private self. 1002 00:51:10,022 --> 00:51:15,006 ♪ Still something That I'm trying to avoid ♪ 1003 00:51:16,018 --> 00:51:20,011 Or leaving your public self behind. 1004 00:51:20,013 --> 00:51:26,017 ♪ Start asking for forgiveness In advance ♪ 1005 00:51:26,019 --> 00:51:30,022 ♪ All the future things I will destroy ♪ 1006 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:34,011 Sometimes, it's about confronting a painful reality... 1007 00:51:36,004 --> 00:51:40,015 ♪ That way I can Ruin everything ♪ 1008 00:51:40,017 --> 00:51:43,022 ...or sublimating your deepest fantasies. 1009 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,018 ♪ When I do, you don't Get to act surprised ♪ 1010 00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:47,021 Hi. 1011 00:51:48,010 --> 00:51:49,011 Did you like it? 1012 00:51:51,017 --> 00:51:52,008 ♪ When it finally ♪ 1013 00:51:52,010 --> 00:51:54,004 I didn't... 1014 00:51:55,019 --> 00:51:57,014 not like it. 1015 00:51:59,015 --> 00:52:02,011 But I never want to do it again. Do you? 1016 00:52:03,001 --> 00:52:03,004 Of course not. 1017 00:52:06,019 --> 00:52:10,009 -I'm sorry. -I'm sorry, too. 1018 00:52:10,011 --> 00:52:12,020 ♪ Medicine and poison ♪ 1019 00:52:13,020 --> 00:52:16,002 ♪ Take what I can get away with ♪ 1020 00:52:16,004 --> 00:52:18,020 Isn't it all a performance, anyway? 1021 00:52:20,019 --> 00:52:21,003 It's my own fault. 1022 00:52:23,015 --> 00:52:25,007 When I got that tip about George's boss, 1023 00:52:25,009 --> 00:52:27,016 I couldn't resist posting it. 1024 00:52:27,018 --> 00:52:30,001 But at least now you know your firewall didn't work. 1025 00:52:30,003 --> 00:52:31,016 It could've happened to any of us. 1026 00:52:31,018 --> 00:52:33,021 We're so sorry it was you. 1027 00:52:33,023 --> 00:52:35,020 And don't worry, I didn't crack during the interrogation. 1028 00:52:35,022 --> 00:52:37,003 Your identities are safe. 1029 00:52:38,019 --> 00:52:39,003 I'll miss you both. 1030 00:52:47,017 --> 00:52:50,008 Did you turn the firewall back on? 1031 00:52:50,010 --> 00:52:53,015 -God. Why do I feel so terrible? -We didn't have a choice. 1032 00:52:53,017 --> 00:52:55,002 It was her or us. 1033 00:52:55,004 --> 00:52:58,001 And now, we don't have to be nervous anymore. 1034 00:52:58,003 --> 00:53:00,006 Wendy's contacts at Horace Mann and Dalton 1035 00:53:00,008 --> 00:53:02,010 confirmed they'd start sending in tips, too. 1036 00:53:02,012 --> 00:53:04,008 So did mine at Nightingale and Spence. 1037 00:53:04,010 --> 00:53:06,015 Which means Gossip Girl's gone citywide. 1038 00:53:06,017 --> 00:53:08,009 The target's off our back. 1039 00:53:08,011 --> 00:53:10,019 And impossible to trace. Bigger than ever. 1040 00:53:12,001 --> 00:53:14,014 She used the tip. We didn't make her. 1041 00:53:15,004 --> 00:53:15,005 Didn't we, though? 1042 00:53:16,004 --> 00:53:19,002 ♪ ("ROYL" BY CHLOE X HALLE PLAYING) ♪ 1043 00:53:19,004 --> 00:53:22,017 ♪ Could be paradise Never know till you try ♪ 1044 00:53:22,019 --> 00:53:23,017 Yet no costume can conceal 1045 00:53:23,019 --> 00:53:26,006 what you don't want me to see. 1046 00:53:26,008 --> 00:53:28,004 Sooner or later, the clothes come off, 1047 00:53:28,006 --> 00:53:33,014 the makeup washes away and the real you emerges. 1048 00:53:33,016 --> 00:53:38,008 Your secrets, your sins, your truths, your lies. 1049 00:53:38,010 --> 00:53:41,005 -Hi. Where have you been? -It's story time! 1050 00:53:41,007 --> 00:53:42,005 Peak posting hour is about to strike. 1051 00:53:44,019 --> 00:53:46,005 I left my phone at home. 1052 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:52,012 Um... Okay. No one panic. 1053 00:53:52,014 --> 00:53:53,019 I'll log in on my phone. 1054 00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,022 And we can download your presets. 1055 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,002 -And we can figure it out-- -I left it intentionally. 1056 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:00,007 Consider me offline today. 1057 00:54:03,018 --> 00:54:06,006 Okay, you tried. But Zoya's clearly not playing along. 1058 00:54:06,008 --> 00:54:09,008 It's time that we reinstate order as it once was. 1059 00:54:09,010 --> 00:54:10,005 And that means JC on top, alone. 1060 00:54:12,009 --> 00:54:15,005 Oh! That Buffal-ho needs to go. 1061 00:54:16,014 --> 00:54:22,017 I have intel. If we used it, Little Z would be sistory. 1062 00:54:23,004 --> 00:54:23,009 Dites-moi. 1063 00:54:25,015 --> 00:54:27,003 If they don't start a war themselves, 1064 00:54:27,005 --> 00:54:28,015 we'll just have to start one for them. 1065 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,008 All the world may be a stage, 1066 00:54:31,010 --> 00:54:35,023 but on the Upper East Side, the play doesn't matter. 1067 00:54:36,018 --> 00:54:38,018 It's all in the execution. 1068 00:54:39,008 --> 00:54:42,008 XOXO, Gossip Girl. 1069 00:54:42,010 --> 00:54:46,006 ♪ Won't you get on my wave Won't you get on my wave now ♪